On Being a Husband
I've been thinking about this post for several days now. I'll warn you that it's a little sentimental. But if you're one of the college guys we currently live with (admit it--I know you stalk us on here from time to time!), I think it's worth reading. It's about being a husband. Not that I am one, but I happen to be married to a fantastic husband. I'll share my thoughts in hopes that you'll be encouraged to be that kind of man.
The other day I was having one of those days that most women have. We were about to get together with several other women who look put together. They have nice, stylish clothes. They get their hair cut at the salon. They often try the latest diets and trends and have jewelry to match their outfits. They look nice.
I try to. I really do. I make the effort every morning to get dressed, put on make-up, and look as nice as I can. I do it for myself, to feel better about myself. I do it for the college students around us, who all seem to have hours to spend on their appearance. But mostly I do it for Micah. I want him to like what he sees when he's at home. Honestly, this life stage is not one that lends itself to "put together." My makeup has usually been smeared over by breakfast and drooly baby fingers. My hair is driven through by cars and wrapped around superhero figures. The knees of my pants are all worn out because I spend my days on the floor playing with my kids. It's just where we are. And so my best efforts seem to be met with... something less than beautiful.
I was bemoaning all of this in the car as we drove to our get-together. I asked at least a dozen times if I really looked OK. I admitted I'd spent extra time on my appearance that morning, but didn't think my shirt fit right, my hair laid the way I'd hoped, and on and on and on. Micah encouraged me and told me I looked nice and then listened quietly as I voiced my insecurities. After a long while of listening to me fret, he took a deep breath. This is what he said:
"I can understand what you're saying. I know you want to look good, and I understand feeling like there's competition to look good. Can I be honest? I like the way you look. You know who you are and you're comfortable in your own skin. I think that's more beautiful than anything. You're not changed by every fad and diet you hear about. I've always said that I want a girl who looks good when she sweats. Not that I don't love to see you dressed up for special occasions, but you look good day in and day out."
That was the gist of it, anyway. For the guys "not reading" my blog posts, tuck this one away! What women want more than anything is to be beautiful. You know it. You've heard it. It's why the Disney princesses are such a big hit and prom is the event of the century to a high school girl. If there's one person she wants to be beautiful for, it's you. It's not about appearances. He didn't say he loved my outfit or my hairstyle, although he may have appreciated them. The compliment he paid me was about far more than my sense of style. He was telling me that I was beautiful. I can't begin to tell you what that does to my confidence and my spirit. These are words that will echo through my mind for years to come.
It reminds me of one of my favorite poems by William Butler Yeats:
"How many loved your moments of glad grace,
And loved your beauty with love false and true,
But one man loved the pilgrim soul in you,
And loved the sorrows of your changing face."
So there you have it. You may love a woman who is trendy or hip or free to spend hours getting herself ready. There's nothing wrong with that. But I hope, truly hope, that every woman out there is loved by someone who finds her beautiful--not the clothes she's wearing or the hairstyle she's trying, but her at her deepest level. I'm no theologian, but I honestly believe that being loved like that is soul-shaping.
The other day I was having one of those days that most women have. We were about to get together with several other women who look put together. They have nice, stylish clothes. They get their hair cut at the salon. They often try the latest diets and trends and have jewelry to match their outfits. They look nice.
I try to. I really do. I make the effort every morning to get dressed, put on make-up, and look as nice as I can. I do it for myself, to feel better about myself. I do it for the college students around us, who all seem to have hours to spend on their appearance. But mostly I do it for Micah. I want him to like what he sees when he's at home. Honestly, this life stage is not one that lends itself to "put together." My makeup has usually been smeared over by breakfast and drooly baby fingers. My hair is driven through by cars and wrapped around superhero figures. The knees of my pants are all worn out because I spend my days on the floor playing with my kids. It's just where we are. And so my best efforts seem to be met with... something less than beautiful.
I was bemoaning all of this in the car as we drove to our get-together. I asked at least a dozen times if I really looked OK. I admitted I'd spent extra time on my appearance that morning, but didn't think my shirt fit right, my hair laid the way I'd hoped, and on and on and on. Micah encouraged me and told me I looked nice and then listened quietly as I voiced my insecurities. After a long while of listening to me fret, he took a deep breath. This is what he said:
"I can understand what you're saying. I know you want to look good, and I understand feeling like there's competition to look good. Can I be honest? I like the way you look. You know who you are and you're comfortable in your own skin. I think that's more beautiful than anything. You're not changed by every fad and diet you hear about. I've always said that I want a girl who looks good when she sweats. Not that I don't love to see you dressed up for special occasions, but you look good day in and day out."
That was the gist of it, anyway. For the guys "not reading" my blog posts, tuck this one away! What women want more than anything is to be beautiful. You know it. You've heard it. It's why the Disney princesses are such a big hit and prom is the event of the century to a high school girl. If there's one person she wants to be beautiful for, it's you. It's not about appearances. He didn't say he loved my outfit or my hairstyle, although he may have appreciated them. The compliment he paid me was about far more than my sense of style. He was telling me that I was beautiful. I can't begin to tell you what that does to my confidence and my spirit. These are words that will echo through my mind for years to come.
It reminds me of one of my favorite poems by William Butler Yeats:
"How many loved your moments of glad grace,
And loved your beauty with love false and true,
But one man loved the pilgrim soul in you,
And loved the sorrows of your changing face."
So there you have it. You may love a woman who is trendy or hip or free to spend hours getting herself ready. There's nothing wrong with that. But I hope, truly hope, that every woman out there is loved by someone who finds her beautiful--not the clothes she's wearing or the hairstyle she's trying, but her at her deepest level. I'm no theologian, but I honestly believe that being loved like that is soul-shaping.
