Strength in Numbers
It's been a long, cold, harsh winter--the harshest I think I can remember. I thought I was being buoyant in spite of the weather. Maybe the rest of life gathered up around it. With a transition just barely beyond us on the horizon, this winter has been fraught with so many thoughts and mixed emotions. Excitement over what lies ahead, but a bittersweet ache over what we leave behind. Anticipation over new opportunities, but anxiety over the change they will bring. Job interviews, and house showings, and weighing who should work full time and who should stay home with our children. Dreaming over houses awaiting us there, and agonizing over preparing our own house, and maintaining it, for a sale. In the midst of these mixed emotions, winter has raged on. Cold and bitter. Long hours indoors. School days cancelled and antsy children who are as tired of the confinement as I am. And basketball season, while a blessing, which has taken Micah out several nights a week and every weekend. We are weary. I am weary.
Today when Micah left for work, scheduled to leave for another basketball trip that would bring him home sometime in the wee hours of the morning, I was frayed around the edges. In my tiredness and frustration, I spoke words that lacked grace, snapped at the kids, complained about our circumstances. A couple of hours later I logged on to facebook to find multiple notifications. Friends from around the country had posted encouraging verses, sent me messages, shared encouraging songs. I received text messages from friends sharing uplifting words. And then I saw Micah's post, asking that friends share an encouraging word with me today. I don't deserve him.
Throughout the day I was surprised by little messages and emails from friends. Often their words brought me to tears, but they lifted my spirits. I spoke with other moms when I picked Henry up from school. I talked to my mom on the phone. And now, in the late hours of the night as I wait for Micah to drive home, I talked on the phone for over an hour with a good friend. My spirit is soaring. I think this winter has taught me two things: I am not as strong as I hoped I was. I thought I was resilient, relying on God, shrugging winter off as, well, just winter. I'm not that strong. And I should have been admitting it, seeking His strength, and strength from others. Which leads me to the second thing I've learned: I have spent too many months alone. Not completely alone, but in this season of bitter cold and school closings and mixed emotions to sort through, I've mostly shut out the community of people around me. We've needed each other, and now that I've been filled with their presence today, I realize what a difference it makes to go through these seasons--even the long winters--surrounded by others. There is strength in numbers.
Today when Micah left for work, scheduled to leave for another basketball trip that would bring him home sometime in the wee hours of the morning, I was frayed around the edges. In my tiredness and frustration, I spoke words that lacked grace, snapped at the kids, complained about our circumstances. A couple of hours later I logged on to facebook to find multiple notifications. Friends from around the country had posted encouraging verses, sent me messages, shared encouraging songs. I received text messages from friends sharing uplifting words. And then I saw Micah's post, asking that friends share an encouraging word with me today. I don't deserve him.
Throughout the day I was surprised by little messages and emails from friends. Often their words brought me to tears, but they lifted my spirits. I spoke with other moms when I picked Henry up from school. I talked to my mom on the phone. And now, in the late hours of the night as I wait for Micah to drive home, I talked on the phone for over an hour with a good friend. My spirit is soaring. I think this winter has taught me two things: I am not as strong as I hoped I was. I thought I was resilient, relying on God, shrugging winter off as, well, just winter. I'm not that strong. And I should have been admitting it, seeking His strength, and strength from others. Which leads me to the second thing I've learned: I have spent too many months alone. Not completely alone, but in this season of bitter cold and school closings and mixed emotions to sort through, I've mostly shut out the community of people around me. We've needed each other, and now that I've been filled with their presence today, I realize what a difference it makes to go through these seasons--even the long winters--surrounded by others. There is strength in numbers.
