Deep, philosophical, frustrated thoughts
It's been a while since I've really rambled on here. Actually, it's been a while since I've done much of anything on here. Admittedly, it's just that there's been so much going on in life off-screen! Life with three kids has suddenly gotten very busy. Life in a residence hall has become a little more consuming. And in the midst of all the chatter and noise, God has begun to speak. A lot.
Micah and I have been praying for wisdom and guidance more than usual in the last few months. It's probably no secret that our current job and living situation presents definite (growing) challenges with a family the size of ours. And so the question has been raised a lot lately: what's next? We've had our preferences and ideas all along, but we want so much to hear from God what his preferences are. In the last few weeks, we've become aware of patterns in thinking, priorities, and passions that have grown in us. It's funny how often God uses those things to reveal himself initially. It's like the thoughts sneak up on us, growing gradually over time, changing our hearts and wills beneath the surface before we even know he's at work. Once we became aware of them, we began to talk and seek him, trying to discern what it all meant. We've spent time praying over these passions, looking for opportunities to see them used, asking God what it all means. We've spent time poring over our Bibles, asking for just a glimpse of his plan, and the discernment to untangle his will from our selfish desires. What a time it's been!
I can't think of a single time in my life where God has spoken like this! Everything we see and hear points in the same direction, carries the same vision, clarifies what we feel. It's amazing! Never have we both heard things separately that coincide so completely with what the other person heard. Never have we wanted something so badly that seems so foreign to what we might have chosen on our own. I have no doubt that God has been speaking, moving, preparing us. It's amazing!
And then, silence. Complete, utter, discouraging silence. No change in our situation. No change in the possibilities before us. No word on how his will will be unfolded. Nothing. Complete silence.
Anyone who's had that "mountain top" experience knows that the down side of the mountain can be the most disheartening place. We've been there many times before. We used to say, "Don't question in the dark what you saw in the light." You hold on to the things you knew for sure, even when they seem doubtful. But how do you keep from questioning if you really knew those things? What do you do when you felt God was revealing his will and yet... *Deep breath*
God's timing is almost never mine. I know that. Sometimes he reveals his will, intending to see it carried out some time in the future. I am grateful that at least he's moving. At least he's speaking. We won't question in the silence that comes in between. Or at least we'll try not to. Goodness knows, there's enough of life to live in the meantime. We'll wait to see his plan unfolded all the way. I can't wait to see what it looks like! And while we wait, we'll be faithful in what he's already given us, caring for our precious family, pouring into the students around us, and seeking every opportunity to prove faithful in the little things he calls us to.
Micah and I have been praying for wisdom and guidance more than usual in the last few months. It's probably no secret that our current job and living situation presents definite (growing) challenges with a family the size of ours. And so the question has been raised a lot lately: what's next? We've had our preferences and ideas all along, but we want so much to hear from God what his preferences are. In the last few weeks, we've become aware of patterns in thinking, priorities, and passions that have grown in us. It's funny how often God uses those things to reveal himself initially. It's like the thoughts sneak up on us, growing gradually over time, changing our hearts and wills beneath the surface before we even know he's at work. Once we became aware of them, we began to talk and seek him, trying to discern what it all meant. We've spent time praying over these passions, looking for opportunities to see them used, asking God what it all means. We've spent time poring over our Bibles, asking for just a glimpse of his plan, and the discernment to untangle his will from our selfish desires. What a time it's been!
I can't think of a single time in my life where God has spoken like this! Everything we see and hear points in the same direction, carries the same vision, clarifies what we feel. It's amazing! Never have we both heard things separately that coincide so completely with what the other person heard. Never have we wanted something so badly that seems so foreign to what we might have chosen on our own. I have no doubt that God has been speaking, moving, preparing us. It's amazing!
And then, silence. Complete, utter, discouraging silence. No change in our situation. No change in the possibilities before us. No word on how his will will be unfolded. Nothing. Complete silence.
Anyone who's had that "mountain top" experience knows that the down side of the mountain can be the most disheartening place. We've been there many times before. We used to say, "Don't question in the dark what you saw in the light." You hold on to the things you knew for sure, even when they seem doubtful. But how do you keep from questioning if you really knew those things? What do you do when you felt God was revealing his will and yet... *Deep breath*
God's timing is almost never mine. I know that. Sometimes he reveals his will, intending to see it carried out some time in the future. I am grateful that at least he's moving. At least he's speaking. We won't question in the silence that comes in between. Or at least we'll try not to. Goodness knows, there's enough of life to live in the meantime. We'll wait to see his plan unfolded all the way. I can't wait to see what it looks like! And while we wait, we'll be faithful in what he's already given us, caring for our precious family, pouring into the students around us, and seeking every opportunity to prove faithful in the little things he calls us to.
