Dealing with the Duldrums
I wrote this a couple of weeks ago on a particularly challenging day, but the timing just wasn't right for posting it. It still rings true a few weeks later, though, on a stormy evening!
What a week it's been. There have been many, many moments--big and small--this past week that have left me feeling beaten down, drained, exhausted. I've been angry. I've been heartbroken. I've been disappointed. I've been irritated. And every ounce of it has affected my parenting. Some days are just bad days. Sometimes things happen that are outside of our control, no matter how much we may want to control them. But even in those moments, I realize now, I have a choice to make.
Today I am choosing to take my head out of the stormy clouds. The things that are affecting me are legitimate, heavy things. But they can't be taken out on my children. So I'm making a list, a detailed list, of all the things that are on my mind. I might even write them in bold block letters to make it clear to myself that these things are no good. I need to get them out there, off my chest, and acknowledge that they are really there under the surface. And then? I'm going to shred it. Completely destroy it, put it behind me, and move on. The issues will still be there, but they won't dominate me. I can't control them, it's true, but I can control how they affect me.
It's made me think about the days when my kids are struggling. We all have off days. I've harped on them on those days to "adjust your attitude," and "get over whatever's bothering you." And yet it's taken me, an adult, three days to "get over" my attitude. Some moods are just hard to shake, but I've been reticent in teaching them techniques to work through them, practical ways of putting things behind us to help us move on.
I think more than a list is in order for today. I owe my children and my husband an apology for my attitude this week. And I owe my kids a lesson--a real life, rubber-meets-the-road lesson--in dealing with the darker side of life. After all, we all live in the valleys between the mountains from time to time.
What a week it's been. There have been many, many moments--big and small--this past week that have left me feeling beaten down, drained, exhausted. I've been angry. I've been heartbroken. I've been disappointed. I've been irritated. And every ounce of it has affected my parenting. Some days are just bad days. Sometimes things happen that are outside of our control, no matter how much we may want to control them. But even in those moments, I realize now, I have a choice to make.
Today I am choosing to take my head out of the stormy clouds. The things that are affecting me are legitimate, heavy things. But they can't be taken out on my children. So I'm making a list, a detailed list, of all the things that are on my mind. I might even write them in bold block letters to make it clear to myself that these things are no good. I need to get them out there, off my chest, and acknowledge that they are really there under the surface. And then? I'm going to shred it. Completely destroy it, put it behind me, and move on. The issues will still be there, but they won't dominate me. I can't control them, it's true, but I can control how they affect me.
It's made me think about the days when my kids are struggling. We all have off days. I've harped on them on those days to "adjust your attitude," and "get over whatever's bothering you." And yet it's taken me, an adult, three days to "get over" my attitude. Some moods are just hard to shake, but I've been reticent in teaching them techniques to work through them, practical ways of putting things behind us to help us move on.
I think more than a list is in order for today. I owe my children and my husband an apology for my attitude this week. And I owe my kids a lesson--a real life, rubber-meets-the-road lesson--in dealing with the darker side of life. After all, we all live in the valleys between the mountains from time to time.
