A Sunday Update
Tonight's post will be a relatively short one, because to be completely honest I don't have the emotional energy left tonight to dig deep into all the layers...
At the end of last week I met with my cardiology nurse practitioner to review the results of the MRI I had had the week before. It was supposed to be a screening scan to monitor the cyst I have on my heart. In the course of the scan, they discovered that I had an area of "delayed hyperenhancement." As usual (I'm getting used to the words "We don't usually see things like this..."), the doctors were a little mystified as to the cause. That kind of finding on an MRI usually means scarring or ischemia--neither of which are good findings on the heart. I left the office that day with a 24-hour Holter monitor, a plan to schedule a stress test, and a follow-up with my cardiologist. Needless to say, this was a whole new level of unknown...
Today in church, I had an episode, for lack of a better word. My legs went completely numb, I became very dizzy, and my heart raced while my skin grew clammy. The moment finally passed and we breathed a sigh of relief. But shortly after we got home from church, I had a similar situation. I tried breathing deeply, calming myself down, laying down. We debated about whether or not I should head into the ER as the kids played outside in the snow. I got sick to my stomach, and felt increasingly dizzy. We both knew that, while it could be nothing, we would regret ignoring symptoms and not going in if something were to happen. We dropped the kids quickly at Micah's parents' house, then drove to the emergency room.
By the time we got there, I was a feeling worse. My heart was absolutely racing and I was incredibly dizzy. My whole body was shaking and I continued to feel nauseated. We were taken back to triage immediately. After getting an initial set of vital signs, the nurse wheeled me quickly to a room outside the nurses' station and called for an EKG. I laid on the bed, shivering so much that my whole body was shaking. My heart rate was in the 150s and my blood pressure was very high. I don't need to say how unnerving it was.
We sat in the room and waited. My initial labs were mostly normal. The ER doctor consulted with the cardiologist on call from my physician group, and planned to get a second set of labs and EKG about an hour and a half after the first. In the meantime I was given medication for nausea and meds to lower my heart rate, as well as IV fluids. Slowly (very slowly, it felt like!), my body returned to a more normal state. Under seven heated blankets, I finally stopped shivering. My heart rate dropped down into the low-100s and my blood pressure normalized. The second set of labs and EKG were also mostly normal. We were relieved to hear that there had been no heart attack.
While there are still no answers, I'm grateful that today's episode was not what we initially feared it might be. Of course, it leaves us with a lot of questions and very raw emotions. My sister dropped off supper for us tonight, and as I told her about the day (Micah and the kids were out), I completely fell apart. The strain of the past few months of unknowns and scary possibilities coupled with the very frightening afternoon were enough to break me.
We're incredibly grateful to be home, and I held the kids just a little tighter tonight. They know that I needed to see a doctor quickly today, that my heart rate was high and I didn't feel well, and that I will need more tests. We haven't used words like "heart attack" or given them specific names of the diagnoses being thrown around until we know for sure what we are facing. But they are perceptive kids, and to leave them completely in the dark would only leave them to fill in the blanks with their own terrifying possibilities. We would love your prayers. We are exhausted, emotionally and physically. We are feeling weary today. We know God is big enough even in this new level of unknown, but we also know he's big enough to handle our fears, our hurts, and our doubts.
At the end of last week I met with my cardiology nurse practitioner to review the results of the MRI I had had the week before. It was supposed to be a screening scan to monitor the cyst I have on my heart. In the course of the scan, they discovered that I had an area of "delayed hyperenhancement." As usual (I'm getting used to the words "We don't usually see things like this..."), the doctors were a little mystified as to the cause. That kind of finding on an MRI usually means scarring or ischemia--neither of which are good findings on the heart. I left the office that day with a 24-hour Holter monitor, a plan to schedule a stress test, and a follow-up with my cardiologist. Needless to say, this was a whole new level of unknown...
Today in church, I had an episode, for lack of a better word. My legs went completely numb, I became very dizzy, and my heart raced while my skin grew clammy. The moment finally passed and we breathed a sigh of relief. But shortly after we got home from church, I had a similar situation. I tried breathing deeply, calming myself down, laying down. We debated about whether or not I should head into the ER as the kids played outside in the snow. I got sick to my stomach, and felt increasingly dizzy. We both knew that, while it could be nothing, we would regret ignoring symptoms and not going in if something were to happen. We dropped the kids quickly at Micah's parents' house, then drove to the emergency room.
By the time we got there, I was a feeling worse. My heart was absolutely racing and I was incredibly dizzy. My whole body was shaking and I continued to feel nauseated. We were taken back to triage immediately. After getting an initial set of vital signs, the nurse wheeled me quickly to a room outside the nurses' station and called for an EKG. I laid on the bed, shivering so much that my whole body was shaking. My heart rate was in the 150s and my blood pressure was very high. I don't need to say how unnerving it was.
We sat in the room and waited. My initial labs were mostly normal. The ER doctor consulted with the cardiologist on call from my physician group, and planned to get a second set of labs and EKG about an hour and a half after the first. In the meantime I was given medication for nausea and meds to lower my heart rate, as well as IV fluids. Slowly (very slowly, it felt like!), my body returned to a more normal state. Under seven heated blankets, I finally stopped shivering. My heart rate dropped down into the low-100s and my blood pressure normalized. The second set of labs and EKG were also mostly normal. We were relieved to hear that there had been no heart attack.
While there are still no answers, I'm grateful that today's episode was not what we initially feared it might be. Of course, it leaves us with a lot of questions and very raw emotions. My sister dropped off supper for us tonight, and as I told her about the day (Micah and the kids were out), I completely fell apart. The strain of the past few months of unknowns and scary possibilities coupled with the very frightening afternoon were enough to break me.
We're incredibly grateful to be home, and I held the kids just a little tighter tonight. They know that I needed to see a doctor quickly today, that my heart rate was high and I didn't feel well, and that I will need more tests. We haven't used words like "heart attack" or given them specific names of the diagnoses being thrown around until we know for sure what we are facing. But they are perceptive kids, and to leave them completely in the dark would only leave them to fill in the blanks with their own terrifying possibilities. We would love your prayers. We are exhausted, emotionally and physically. We are feeling weary today. We know God is big enough even in this new level of unknown, but we also know he's big enough to handle our fears, our hurts, and our doubts.
