The Discipline of Staying

I grew up in a family of people who went, did, were. I was raised on the mission field and everything about our lives as a family was given to service and going, in whatever form it took. Naturally as a young adult I assumed my life would look similar. There was no doubt in my mind that I would find myself on some mission field, serving much like my parents had. Then in college, as I begged God to give me a glimpse of the where, he said something surprising: stay. Aren't we supposed to want to go? Isn't being willing to set aside our own lives and set out on some great mission what we aspire to? How could I stay? But the message for me was clear. It's not for you to go. I'm calling you to stay. Your role will be to work here, among your own people in your own country. You will support others who will go. But you will stay. Wow, those were hard words! I wrestled and struggled and finally laid down my dreams of mission.  I learned to accept a new calling, a new role. I would serve in the quieter, more mundane places. In the intervening years there have been many opportunities: to grow our family, to gain more education, to work abroad, to seek a promotion, to move away, to write more, to serve in new capacities. Sometimes the answer has been yes!  But many times, the answer has been a resounding no. Oh, I've agonized over that answer.  How could I turn down opportunities to serve?  Aren't these good things? Aren't these ways to give, ways to reach more people? I have the passion and the desire--why shouldn't they be used? I think, in some respects, there are two kinds of people: goers and stayers. By nature we tend to fall into one of these two categories. Some people will always crave the adventure, and when mission stirs their heart they are quick to respond. Others stay close to the home fire, and the idea of stepping outside their comfort zone is terrifying. I truly believe that God calls us and uses us along the lines of our interests and abilities. We are given the set of talents and passions we have for a reason. But I also believe that he's interested in whole people. Whole people never develop if they aren't drawn outside of themselves and forced to rely on him, to let him shape the places that are untouched by our nature. So sometimes, for those of us who prefer to stay, the answer is, Go, and trust me. And sometimes, for those of us who would rather move, the answer is, Stay, and trust me. To stay felt like punishment to me. Like being shelved, unused, uninvolved. Surely God's work was elsewhere, out there, and not here in the mundane. Stay, and trust me. Slowly I began to trust. To trust that being here didn't mean that God wasn't at work. To trust that even in the ordinary places God had a plan that he wanted to work through me. To trust that I could grow, would grow, by being used where he had me. I began to really look at the work of my hands. Sometimes it was the same work I would have done elsewhere. Other times there was nothing exciting about it. But in the quiet moments I was shaped by the act of staying. It takes faith to watch opportunity pass and trust that in the long view, it is for the best. It takes courage to pass up all of the accolades and things the world strives for and choose instead the humble, the unnoticed, the ordinary. It takes a depth of character to go on in the everyday with integrity and a servant's heart. It takes vision to see every part of life as a mission field. When I stayed I was forced to adopt a life of service everywhere, not just in the obvious places. There is no distinction, no area set apart just for the intent of ministry. My whole life, right where I am, is my calling. To stay is to give over everything, all the time, to the work that God has for me. Some days the battle rages on. My heart bleeds for so many opportunities--good things, ministry things. And yet each one has to be taken to his feet and laid there. Whether they're taken up again or not is not for me to decide. But what God is writing--sometimes through going and sometimes through staying--is a story I wouldn't change for the world.  Whether the answer is go, or stay, the call is the same: trust me.